Dr. Henry Paul, MD

Psychiatrist, Author and Educator

Tag Archives: my child is bullied

A BULLYING VICTIM FIGHTS BACK AND THE RESULT IS DEADLY THIS WEEK IN NYC

June 21st, 2014

“In the weeks leading up to the violent encounter, there were signs that the dispute between the boys went beyond typical bullying.” The New York Times, June 18, 2014 Signs of Trouble Preceded Fatal Stabbing at Bronx School

Nearly all of the studies done on the effects of bullying focus on the harmful effects it has on victims, and on the prevention of the bullying in the first place. But in New York City this week we have an incident involving the killing of a bully by a victim. News reports describe intense bullying of the killer. Supposedly the bully ran in a pack who increasingly sought to scare, intimidate and hurt the killer and his family. So now we see a new side – vengeance!

It is not surprising that such an incident occurred. After all, being bullied usually leads to a state of impotent rage with the impotence leading the way to depression, demoralization and even self-destruction. But the rage exists and, in some, this will surface and sometimes it will be acted on, as it was here. I expect that the headlines and efforts will turn towards helping victims not turn to such measures. And, of course there is the fear that the supporters of such revenge tactics might take this up as a good thing, and we might see a return to some vigilante-like activities as we have before.

Our goal must be to keep our focus on prevention in the first place. The complex phenomenon of bullying must remain our focus with particular emphasis placed on organizing and improving anti-bullying messages and programs in schools and communities. Only in that way will the tragic lives of bullies and their victims ever get under control.

DISCLAIMER
Information contained in this blog is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended as medical or psychiatric advice for individual conditions or treatment and does not substitute for a medical or psychiatric examination. A psychiatrist must make a determination about any treatment or prescription. Dr. Paul does not assume any responsibility or risk for the use of any information contained within this blog.

MY CHILD IS BEING BULLIED!

November 1st, 2013

In the last blog we discussed what to do if you think your child is a bully.  Now, let’s discuss what to do if you think your child is being bullied.

  1. First, help him or her to talk about it – establish an atmosphere conducive to talking about the feelings of shame and humiliation he/she may feel. Don’t leap in with suggestions or quick judgments; such attempts to help are often experienced by the child as a kind of psychic bullying. Encourage your child to speak directly with the authority figure responsible for harmony and safety (teacher, principal, swimming pool director, etc.) to give your child an active, assertive role in resolving the problem.
  2. For many parents, the first thing to do seems to be to call the parents of the other child, but rushing into fix it for your child (i.e. contacting the bullying child’s parents and demanding an apology) may ultimately worsen the situation; at the very least, you and your child should work together to deal with the bully. 
  3. If your child is being bullied you also should notify the organization or place where the bullying is taking place, such as the school, camp, or venue for an after-school activity.
  4. Your child will need some experience of “fighting back” so that he or she does not simply feel further victimized. It helps to have your child understand the psychology of the bully, that he or she is “egged” on by overly passive or insecure behaviors and that some amount of confident and even humorous self-assertion can often help your child to get through the next ominous encounter.
  5. Never encourage your child to fight physically because it can just escalate the violence (possibly with significant danger to your child) and reinforce fighting as a solution.
  6. If your child cannot overcome his or her fear and anxiety about a bully, it is wise to seek outside help, especially if fear, anxiety, and depression are interfering with day-to-day life.
  7. Support your child’s friendships and social network throughout the ordeal of dealing with a bully; this is the time when your child most needs to feel he or she is not ostracized because of being the bully’s victim.

The key issue in bullying is that intimidation occurs repeatedly and becomes a form of harassment and abuse of other children. It is important for parents to become active in their community in order to avoid bullying issues. For instance: there are effective intervention programs across the country that parents should get involved with in their children’s schools. Schools should be encouraged to create and enforce anti-bullying policies and to have class discussions about bullies. Conflict resolution classes can also be very helpful.

DISCLAIMER
Information contained in this blog is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended as medical or psychiatric advice for individual conditions or treatment and does not substitute for a medical or psychiatric examination. A psychiatrist must make a determination about any treatment or prescription. Dr. Paul does not assume any responsibility or risk for the use of any information contained within this blog.